I just don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m back on zoloft and been upped to 100mg. I think I spoke too soon, I don’t know if it’s because school started again and the stress of having to navigate through people, being ignored, passing classes, or what..but everything just went downhill. I started Z again about 3 weeks ago and its been fine I guess, once again, my emotions are just gone and my appetite is out of control. On another note, I keep having negative flashbacks from the past, feeling super guilty about the dumbest things and being paranoid 24/7. At this point, I don’t know what’s better: super depression and anxiety or nightmares and paranoia? Idk, either way it just seems like something will always be wrong.
Well, I’ve been going to therapy and talking about issues other the past 3 weeks too..it seems to be going well, but I guess my biggest trouble is just opening up. How do you share your trauma with a stranger? How do you open up? Where do I begin? I’m just planning on laying all my issues out on the therapist at the next couple of meetings and then see what he does with the information. I don’t know, hopefully it helps.
I hate to be so negative, but I just can’t help it. I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. I’m alone, no one to talk to…except from the therapist now. I avoid watching the news because it’s just negativity; I avoid going out and being social because I just end up panicking; I try to communicate with my family, but they just don’t want to know; all my “friends” have slowly dwindled away over the years; I have no interests in doing anything. I hate being like this.